Writing to Stop the Voices in Your Head

I must write….I must write…..I must write

Sometimes I get up in the morning and just want to feel the keyboard under my fingertips. I just enjoy the flow of mindless words and phrases. Even just sounding the words out until they start sounding foreign. Enough so that I have to Google how the word is really spelled just to make sure I’m even pronouncing it correctly. But one of the reasons I write is to get relief from the voices.

It has only recently occurred to me that when I see someone sitting quietly in a corner — maybe just drinking a cup of coffee or staring off into space — I now think: “they’re doing what I’m doing!” They are listening to the voices in their head. I spend so much time listening to my own voices. And it’s not that they’re telling me to do anything; they are usually just berating me over past mistakes and regrets, and telling me what I should be worrying about.

When I write, those voices in my head retreat for just a little while, giving me some relief. As long as I can keep writing, keep typing out words on this page, the voices get quieter and quieter until I don’t notice them as much. Very similar to tinnitus. It’s still there, but if I don’t pay attention to it, I can almost make it disappear. But it’s still there in the background. I’m so grateful for anything that brings me that relief.

One day, those voices will be gone. I’ll be past worry, past fear and regret. The tinnitus will even be silent at last.

But for now, I must write.

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