911. Another Day. Another Story.

I am not writing this because I am a feminist or I need ratings, or people to think Oh Damn, she writes so good. I don’t. I know I don’t write good. I write what I feel. And this story is narrating what I felt today.

I stepped out of my home with my mother just like everyday for shopping. We took a qingqi and asked him to take us to bazaar. I sat at the back seat because front seats were booked. I was fixing my stuff on the seat when I saw a man with kajol in his eyes and torn shalwar kameez with a broken sandal and phone. He was (fake) calling someone and pointing at me for my number. I ignored just like I always do. Not to mention, I was wearing a mask, a shalwar kameez with a full barra dupatta on my head. He passed away when I stopped noticing him. In the meantime rikshaw wala stopped and asked me to come on the front seat (the bike seat) because some uncle had to sit at the back. I refused to come at the front and sit between two fat aunties.

He kicked his bike and we again started moving and the other second I see that number wala man again. I thought he had passed away but he was actually moving along with the rikshaw. I clenched my fists and moved my face on the front side thinking that he might go away. Two minutes later, we stopped at a petrol pump and he passed away. I thanked Allah and took a sigh of relief. (Lekin kuttay ki dumm or yeh mard). He came at the same petrol pump and just for the sake of teasing me, he spent 100 rupees for the refill in his 1965’s bike. He stood so close to my seat that I was afraid if he’d touch me or snatch my purse or phone. I held myself and clenched all of my stuff firmly. That moment I thought “kaash agay hee beth jaati”. He again started asking me “Whatsapp number do, whatsapp”

The bazaar was just two shops away. He didn’t go away. He stayed there. Luckily there was a lot of rush in khaadi store (thanks to 30% sale). I payed 50 rupees to rikshaw man and didn’t even bother to get the change from him and ran into the shop.

We spent 1 whole hour inside the shop and when I came out there was no one. I was very much relieved by then. Ammi and I had to go to a matching center after that. We took a rikshaw and stopped at the shop after 3–4 minutes and HE WAS THERE.

He was there the whole time. This time I was not scared but angry, mad, afraid, threatened, indignant, and so much more. My adrenaline dropped to point five. I told my ammi everything. He ran away when saw me talking to my ammi. But after that I was scared whole time till I reached home. When I entered inside and locked the gate, my first thought was what if he come from the side of lawn or porch or drawing room? What would I do? Run? Hide? What if I hit him and he throws acid on me?

It might sound a little exaggerating but this is one hard moment to absorb. And I don’t know how many incidents like this happens everyday. I cannot count how many girls go through this harassment every single fucking day.

Wait. Did I just call it HARASSMENT? I did. Your definition might include touching, assaulting, or rape but for me this was a rape from eyes and brain. He was not asking me for my number, he was asking for a lot than you think, he was doing a lot in his mind with me. And I cannot even imagine someone touching my hand without my consent. Can you imagine someone touching your penis without your consent?

I might sound ridiculous to some of you but the point is that Akhir Kab Tak? I know a lot of girls are making it a scene and getting public sympathy. But some of us really need support, help and safety. The point where I was scared to death, all I could think of was “What the fuck is police’s number”. My mind was fucked up and I swear I couldn’t think of anything. Should I call my father who is at office 20kms away from me, my brothers who are not in the city, or my husband?

I don’t know how to end this piece but all I know is I won’t be able to go out for a very long time. Women are not equal to men. Women are easily vulnerable. Women are weak. Please stay away from women and let women LIVE.

PLEASE!

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