The Pandemic Made Me More Introverted

But that’s not necessarily a bad thing

It can be a little simplistic to think in terms of befores and afters. Growth and healing are often imperceptibly gradual; it’s not always easy to pinpoint when or how a change took place.

When the pandemic hit, a lot of things that were new to other people had long been second nature to me: worrying about my immune system, fussing over hygiene, working from home, setting boundaries, managing risk and prioritizing my mental health. Having had to rebuild my career and life completely after hitting rock bottom with a complex health condition called endometriosis, I was no stranger to the idea of doing everything in my power to feel healthy and whole, even if that meant choosing myself over others.

But the pandemic slowly spurred change in me that I hadn’t experienced as acutely during my healing process. I didn’t see it happen, but I ended up becoming (even) more introverted.

It was more than avoiding crowds and toning down social plans. It was an undeniable urge to shed weight. As fear and uncertainty dominated the narrative around us, I found myself yearning to reduce noise and complexity in any way I could.

I cut down on consuming news. I routinely detoxed from social media and kept my phone in a separate room at all times. I set a 20-minute daily limit on Instagram and turned off all my notifications. I cleared out my closets and deleted apps that distracted me. I turned down opportunities that I thought might drain my energy during a pandemic and said no to clients with special requests. I regularly fled the city to cocoon myself in a lakeside cabin where I stared at trees for hours and didn’t wear a mask for days. I clung to nature and marveled at its moods, pausing to acknowledge every sunset and every birdsong. I journaled and listened inwards and grounded myself, over and over again. And I often thought, “Maybe this is all I need. At least for now.”

I’ve never been a minimalist, so this gravitation towards simplicity was destabilizing. I worried that it would be hard to undo this introversion when life got back to “normal”. I worried that I was putting myself in a corner and that I’d miss out if I stayed there too long.

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